Gay and happy

by VIKASH PRADHAN

FROM ISSUE # 88 (April 2003) | IN THIS ISSUE
	REFER TO FRIEND		PRINT THIS ARTICLE

Starting off with a lot of prejudices clouding my mind, I was quite apprehensive about the appointment. We met in a small room at the Blue Diamond Society office. I felt uneasy, and out of place, sitting surrounded by six strangers, all of them gay.

In the midst of Bhakta, Sujan, Ramesh, Dipak Shrish, and Saphil at a round table, my initial fear and uneasiness vanished as our conversation progressed. They were perfectly comfortable about their sexuality.

The term gay does not aptly define the population of Nepali men who have sexual relations with members of their own sex. In Nepal, it is common for men like Sujan and Saphil to have sexual relations with women. In fact, there are many cases where 'homosexual' men are married and with children. A better term would be Males having Sex with Males (MSM).

In our society where the subject of sex is taboo, there is a stifling silence when it comes to MSMs. We still languish under the misconception that there are no Nepali homosexuals and the rare few we have accepted to be homosexuals are dismissed as freaks of nature.

The legal stand towards MSM is more outrageous than our social indifference to the subject. Our earliest written law, framed during the reign of the Ranas and influenced by British Colonial Laws, explicitly states that anal intercourse is a punishable offence. The current law defines and categorises it as an unnatural 'animal act'. Ironically, masturbation is judged similarly.

The round table challenged the common perception of homosexuality, which focuses solely on the sexual act. And as I found out, without considering the emotional, physiological and psychological challenges that an MSM faces, the community will continue to be marginalised. Inaccurately, we think the issue of men having sex with men is Western induced and of recent origin. The truth is there are age-old homo-gender aspects in our culture like Maruni, a dance where men enact the female role in thieir guise, and socially accepted and encouraged male or female bonds like mit.

There are an odd few MSMs who are open about their status, most of whom belong to affluent families. It is with their families' stoic support that these men proudly take a stand for themselves. But the vast majority still remains in the closet and their families remain ignorant about their sexual preference. This is the sad reality of an MSM: a disconnected existence and the absence of family support.

Like in most families, parents of MSMs are unaware of their children's activities. As a result of which, many MSMs fall into forced matrimony. MSMs, married or not, lead dual lives – one inside the home, as the male figure be it husband or son, and the other amongst fellow MSMs, where they feel comfortable and at ease- places like the round table at Blue Diamond Society (BDS).

Blue Diamond Society formed in 2001, is a support organization for MSMs. Initiated by Sunil Pant, a student returnee from Russia, BDS's outreach programme currently covers only Kathmandu. In addition to advocating safe sex amongst MSMs, Pant is working to organise fellow MSMs to break the stigma surrounding them. BDS also provides free counseling on issues like depression, AIDS, and denial. Most importantly, it provides a space in which MSMs can feel accepted.

We have a large number of MSMs in our midst. BDS is already in contact with over 8000 MSMs. However, the actual figure is much higher since many refuse to admit their status. Another section that goes unaccounted is the migrant workers amongst whom there is a high incidence of MSM.

The six BDS members interviewed prefer to remain anonymous at this time. Their mannerism, which leans towards the feminine, is mostly overlooked in their homes as just an odd trait. Outside the house, strangers and acquaintances are less gullible. Their behaviour makes them stand out, attracting unwanted attention and ridicule. Cloaked in secrecy, with fellow members of the Kathmandu's MSM community, they have has just started to organise. But there is much malign and stigma and instances of abuse by authorities is not uncommon.

The few people I was lucky to meet and interact with represented a very small percentage of the valley's MSM population but I found them gay and happy about their status. They have accepted their sexual preferences and behaviour. We are the one's who haven't. Isn't it time we did?

Blue Diamond Society Helpline: 4443350
For free counseling and HIV/AIDS & STD Awareness Training.