Read This Later! | Feature

It has taken me a long time to write this article. Not due to any of the usual reasons as in lack of coherent thought, no time, prior engagements I couldn't get out of etc. No, no, my reason is much simpler. I just thought I'd do it later. Today turned into tomorrow. Tomorrow, but oh! I only have to submit it a week from now, until finally, I realized I have to write and send it off immediately or I'll have my fire-eating editor breathing down my neck.

I have a confession to make. I am a procrastinator. I have the dubious (dis)honor of having perfected procrastination to an elevated art-form. For me, making the conscious decision of getting down to work as opposed to playing free cell for hours, is painfully arduous.

Procrastination snares us, like an ultra-comfy bed—one that seduces with its siren song… 'Come unto me, ye all who would do tomorrow what needs to be done today'.
It is legal and seems perfectly harmless. It's comfortable and snug. It is often joked about and justified with "I work much better under pressure!"

Procrastination, according to the dictionary, is the deliberate act of excessive postponing. During my research (which by the way, was this morning), I discovered that procrastination has been developing at an amazing speed all across the world. It is a science that seems to be overtaking the youth by leaps and bounds. Addicts of the malaise have complained of various disorders arising from the indulgence of this habit— the urge to smash things for missed opportunities and wasted time, pounding headaches and palpitating hearts exacerbated by stress. It has been likened to a malignant tumor. Yet, in my search for non-procrastinators, I found none.

If one desires to reach the ultimate level of 'un-boredom', it is necessary –no, vital to practice the art of procrastination. This is how you go about it when you have loads of work to do: homework, feeding the goldfish, cleaning your personal space. However, you just sit around doing nothing, or maybe defer the work on hand; find something else to do. It could be singing along to Devang Patel, or picking your jumra, or reading this… the choice is yours. This continual struggle against death by boredom is procrastination. For all you skeptics, this is not the art of evading responsibility but the technique of achieving what needs to be done in your own aesthetic style.

Television is, for procrastinators the world over, the most amazing invention of all time and space. What could beat lounging, sprawled in front of the 'box', channel-surfing for hours with the remote control to keep you company? Getting engrossed in saans, bahus and aliens who live among us, rather than worrying about when to start studying for that chemistry final, seems to be a more enjoyable philosophy for living. At least I know the days of the week: Sunday/English Premier League, Monday/Desh Mein Nikla Hoga Chand, Tuesday/Law and Order, Wednesday/Ally McBeal, Thursday/Kyu Hota Hai Pyar, Friday/ and so on.

And as if TV wasn't alluring enough, along came the Internet. The hours we spend in cyber cafes chatting with someone, somewhere in the world, who claims to love us and wants to marry us. Deeply immersed in impressing the one, who in all likelihood is the person behind you at the café, I have spent hours getting to know faceless beings online and realized, people the world over are busy wasting time, too.

The emergence and easy availability of Gen-X gaming consoles, SMS jokes, more and more television channels, chatrooms with extra features and the newest version of MSN messenger – all of these present a blinding array of gadgets and gizmos designed to settle our procrastinating rear ends snug in front of one box or another.

Sleep is the drug of choice for procrastinators like myself. It is very hard work putting off responsibilities. What better way to relax than on your back, counting the pock marks in the ceiling, dreamily watching the spider spinning its web, dozing off and catching some zzzzzz's?

The approach of examinations seems like a good time to break off this habit but, to the contrary, the rate at which exams approach is directly proportional to the overwhelming allure of sleep. Examinations, procrastination and sleep are the ultimate examples of adolescent human behavioral patterns.

Procrastination is founded on three basic principles:
Now: Do not do what you have to do -by not doing what you have to do now.
Then: Do what you do not have to do -instead of what you do have to do.
Later: Do whatever you had to do -by doing whatever you had to do.

Let me elaborate using the classic example of "procrastinating on homework." You put it off till the eleventh hour, since you decided to watch WWE and cheer the exploits of your favorite wrestler. You finally complete your homework and head off to bed at 3am. The homework was completed, fulfilling the third and most important aspect of procrastination. You congratulate yourself for the sense of utmost accomplishment and the motivation you conjured to finally complete the task.

Once baptized into this way of life, it could well be the most stressful and traumatic thing you will ever have to do. It all boils down to your choice, your free will… 'Do you want to explore the world of utter fulfillment in procrastination or not?' If self-affirmation is your choice, get started by saying out loud "I will start procrastinating later."