The ties that bind | Lastly

In the month of Shrawan, I put on 'gogs'day and night because I choose not to be blinded by the glistening reflection of the green and yellow churas that are everywhere. There are appropriate times to wear them and when you are in uniform is definitely not one of them. On being asked why, I was told that these were but preparations, a precursor if you will to that most important day on the calendar for women, Teej. Truth be told, I knew nothing about Teej so it would not be fair to pass judgement on those who are so eager for this festival that they do so by donning bangles and adorning their limbs with mehendi a full month in advance.

I do not follow many Nepali festivals except for those where I earn money (Go figure! and yeah, I am selfish like that, yo!) so I visited Guru Google and his handiest disciple Wikipedia to give me answers and to pull me out of my quandary… should I slide some green bangles up my wrist and what monetary gains would that bring me?

Wikipedia said 'Teej commemorates Goddess Parvati's union with Lord Shiva; the festival is celebrated for marital bliss, well-being of spouse and children and purification of one's own body and soul.' He added 'Teej is a small red insect that comes out of the soil during the rains.' He couldn't really explain to me the connection between the insect and Parvati. Then on being questioned further on why a woman's body would need such intensive purification, I was informed that since it is the woman who has the menstrual cycle, she is therefore 'dirty' for she passes blood five days (more or less) in a month. During this time she might have watered the plants thus ensuring that they'd never see the light of day; she might have helped herself to a glass of water, thereby fouling the purity of the kitchen; and worst of all, a transgression for which she will have to symbolically clean her privates with some water infused with holy herbs/twigs 365 times the day after Teej, for even inadvertently touching her husband when she was getting her periods.

Whoa. Slow down. It is only now that Nepali women are in places of power and can stand up for their rights but in the name of preserving our culture, we are still being held back Although it is considered a celebration, among Newars, a girl goes through Bahra. She is subjected to solitary confinement for 12 days before the arrival of her first menstruation. Some of my friends are forbidden to be in the same room with male members of the family because they are considered impure when menstruating. Back in the day, there was the practice of sati, where a widow was either forced to or threw herself voluntarily on her husbands' pyre so that he could live a happy afterlife. On Teej, a married woman fasts for the well-being and longevity of her husband and has to apologise for the most natural thing on the planet- getting her periods. These all spell FEMALE DOMINATION to me.

I am not a full-pledged feminist but I have been brought up constantly reminded that women are just as capable as men. We do not need the embarrassment and a shout out to the world that it is that 'time of the month' or anyone to label us impure. Why can it not be the other way round- that men wear their finest and have a gay ol' time with their friends and stay hungry the next day for their wives? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is allowed to have their own views and I do love Teej for the togetherness and color and the joy women get- even if not a drop of water is allowed to pass through their lips. What is thirst and how important can water be when you look at the grand scheme of what being a Nepali woman apparently means- pure, chastened, intent on absolving herself of all wrongdoings by being born a woman?

Growing up abroad, Nepali festivals, for me, were Dashain and Tihar. We bought new clothes, slaughtered animals and visited relatives, as Nepali families do. I waited all year long to receive envelopes stuffed with cash. Only when I first celebrated those festivals in Nepal, did I realize the meaning and importance of what it means. How humbling it is receiving blessings from elders was what I had missed when living abroad, not the envelopes. I will be sliding those bangles even though it brings me no monetary gain, just to get into the Teej momentum for a day. But no fasting!