My boyfriend and I want to live together, but are afraid of the consequences. What shall we do? - Confused couple
Living together before marriage is a major step. Basically, it means that you and your loved one are well on your way to building a committed relationship with one another and that marriage, or at least discussion of marriage, is not far off. However, many people are divided about whether this is a good idea or not. Thus, it is important to consider the pros and cons before you decide to dive into this.
Comparatively, today's world is more forgiving. In fact, one of the major pros to living together before marriage is that you can see if you and your partner are truly compatible. Seeing one another during the week or on weekends is very different from living together, sharing most expenses. Therefore, it is a great litmus test for what the future might hold for the two of you if you decide to marry one another. It is also a great money saving idea.
On the other hand, you may get tired of seeing each other. The mistake many people make when living with their partner is constantly desiring attention and taking it personally if their significant other wants to be alone. Many people break the relationship because they feel that they need more personal space. A relationship that would have otherwise worked out is strained from this rush to live together.
Expectations of marriage without a true commitment can cause friction and frustration. After some people have lived with their partner for some time, they still want more. Their partner may be content with having the perks of marriage without the solid vows of commitment. Almost being married is eventually unsatisfying, and people argue over the need to actually get married.
I am over my ex- girlfriend, but we are still great friends. I have a new girlfriend now for almost a year and she seems to be very jealous of my ex. I don't know how to help her overcome her insecurities. - Helpless soul
When you act in a way that demonstrates that you are not sure in your partner's feelings and faithfulness, this will likely make her annoyed, irritated and even less attracted to you. Let's not forget - confidence is attractive and the opposite of it - insecurity is unattractive.
One effective way to overcome insecurity is by realizing that it's actually pointless. That is, whether you are sure in your partner or not will not change her behavior and will not make the other person more faithful to you. If someone wants to cheat, they will cheat and you have no control over it.
Another great step toward overcoming insecurity is trying to enjoy the relationship itself without being overly attached to the outcome. Let's face it - most relationships end for many different reasons and often through no fault of one partner at all. It's important to be conscious of the possibility that the current relationship will end and not treat it as be-all-end-all event. When you realize that no matter how much you love your partner, there is life after that relationship, and it will make you more at peace with yourself and your partner, and will make you a better and a more attractive lover.
Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. It begins with awareness. Awareness allows you to see that the projected stories in your mind are not true. When you have this clarity, you no longer react to the scenarios that your mind imagines. Jealousy and anger are emotional reactions to believing scenarios in your mind that are not true. By changing what you believe, you change what your imagination is projecting and you can eliminate these destructive emotional reactions. Even when there is justification for the reaction, jealousy and anger are not beneficial ways to deal with the situation and get what we want.
