I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a while ago and now I am dating a new girl. We've been together for some time now and we really love each other. I want to make sure I give her all the happiness in the world. Please suggest how I can make our relationship strong and exciting - Susin
A healthy relationship can be one of the best forms of support in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. Relationships are an investment. As a general rule, the more you put in, the more you get back, particularly if you really like the person you're with (i.e. it is not time-pass). Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Stay involved with each other, because it strengthens the connection and understanding. You need to be able to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too. Spend quality time together and find your own unique ways of spending time together. Learn your partner's emotional needs. Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it's also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you're facing. You are more likely to have your own needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise where you can.
I am 23 years old and am studying management. I have one more year before I graduate, and then I would like to go to the US for my MBA. But my parents are insisting that I get married. I am really frustrated with the arguments we have every day. How can I convince them that I know what's best for me?
- Frustrated Girl
Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in parent-child relationships. When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. It is important to acknowledge that both parties' needs are important in the long-term success of most relationships, and each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance and arguments. When you can recognise the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships.
Communication is the key here. Certainly your parents love you and want the best of you, but that does not mean you can't have your say about what you want. It is great that you have the emotional ability to realise what your goals are, despite the obstacles. Stay motivated until your parents start to understand and acknowledge your needs. It will take some time, so being patient is imperative. Communicate clearly and effectively about what is important to you and how it might help you and your parents in the long run. Express your feelings about what you know will bring happiness to your life. No one should take those big life decisions for you; nobody but you, that is.
