I am a very shy person. Unfortunately, my studies require me to talk a lot in class, which I find extremely hard. I am lagging behind in my grades, because a major portion of my grade is for active class participation. I desperately want to overcome my shyness.
Shyboy, Kathmandu
Being an introvert is probably part of your hard-wiring, but as you've started to notice, being too quiet in class can compromise your grades. More than that, if you don't work to overcome it now, it will also affect you in later life. Try putting yourself on a 'training regime', like a person who wants to get in better shape but hates exercise might do. That is, set goals for yourself. At first, keep the bar very low; for instance, you could begin by saying that you will raise your hand and ask a question or volunteer an answer once a day in just one of your classes. After the first week or two, make that once in every class, or whatever seems to fit your needs and your schedule. Keep a written chart of your participation progress and reward yourself with a special treat if you meet your goals. Another thing you could try is to speak with each one of your teachers privately before or after class. Tell them you want to improve your public-speaking comfort level. They will notice you more once you've admitted your discomfort; they may be more likely to call on you when your hand is waving when they recognize that you're trying hard to surmount your fears.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend after a seven-year relationship. I know it's not the end of the world, but I feel so devastated. Help me cope.
Ruchika, Pokhara
A good start to coping is acknowledging the pain and facing your feelings, which you seem to be doing. Accepting pain helps you move forward. Grief is personal, so let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. Some people cry a lot, whereas others smile about the good memories they've had. Now is the time to turn to people who genuinely care about you. Draw on your friends or whoever supports you, and tell them what you need. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its ritual activities can provide. Basically, do things that you enjoy and that are meaningful to you. As the body and the mind are deeply connected, feeling good emotionally requires taking care of your physical self, which is imperative during this period. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain, as it won't work in the long-term. You can get through this.
I have too much going on. Work is insanely busy, and I have a family to take care of. I feel like I've been very unsuccessful in handling either. I am more than stressed. What do I do?
Mr. RSP, Kathmandu
You sound overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands due to emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. Burnout reduces your productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. The best thing to do is to take a few steps to bring balance into your life. The first thing is to force yourself to slow down by cutting down your commitments. It's necessary to protect that little energy you have left when you're burned out. Talk to your family about it. At work, take a proactive approach by communicating your problems and expressing your needs. Talk to your superior and see if you're working beyond the parameters of your job. Or it could be the tedious nature of your job, in which case ask for different duties. Finally, taking a complete break from work by doing some sort of retreat could really help. Use the time away to rejuvenate your energy.
