The Difference between Knowing & Doing Academic Depression

FROM ISSUE # 174 (June 2010) | IN THIS ISSUE
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A 20-year-old cousin of mine who lived with her family in the UK recently returned to study in Kathmandu. She's been travelling back and forth after she got depressed because she wasn't doing well at school. But she denies being depressed. In fact, she pretends that everything is fine when she's so depressed that she can barely make eye contact. She's adamant about not taking any help. How can I possibly help her? 

Dear A.D
Most depressed people are unaware of their depression, attributing it to fatigue, lack of energy, etc. At the same time, even if they recognise the depression, they are not eager to admit it because, strangely enough, the feeling becomes familiar - even if unpleasant - and they do not feel the need for change. Simply telling someone they are depressed usually does not help.  They may not want to admit this and, even if they do, they don't know what to do about it. One good place to start is to encourage her to take good care of herself and do things that she enjoys and likes.  Simply telling her to 'snap out of it' does not work. Normally, a depressed person may blame work, relationships, loss, etc., for the depression. But the way out is to begin with oneself. Your support will be a big help to her as long as she is not blamed for the way she feels.

Putting my Feet in both Boats
The problem with me is that when there are things that are incomplete or pending in my life, I cannot focus on what I am doing now, which I realise is just as important. For instance, at the moment I am awaiting acceptance into colleges for my undergraduate degree and I also have a job that I have been neglecting for a few months. How do I focus on what I am doing now and deal with other problems as they come? Age 19

Dear Double Boats,
At your age, we wonder how you can be sure about what you want. To be unsure about all of this is more than normal at this time. At the same time, there are so many options, opportunities and possibilities available that it is hard to choose them all. In addition, if you choose one, you may have to let go of another. We cannot choose or have everything. You are right in wanting to focus, but that means making choices, decisions and working with the consequences. One more thing; it may be helpful to see this situation not as a problem but as an opportunity to make a decision and thus find your focus.

Handling Bills
I like spending money. My investments are not useless though; I consider and reconsider before buying things and am satisfied with my purchases. Nevertheless I spend my entire salary, which is about five thousand, even before the 15th of each month. Do I really have money management problems?

Dear H.B.,
You sure do!  Money is just a means, not the end of what we do. It is not just what we spend but how we do so. And money is not just for spending; it can be saved, invested, given away too. We think that you need to decide that it is how rather than what you use your resources for that counts. Just like time management (which is rather me management), money management is also more about me than money. 

L.V. Brooks
Sirjana Singh
Guidance counsellors