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My problem sounds silly, but I find myself being very competitive with my best friend. She does everything better than me—in school, sports, and social events. She is very popular, and now I think even a guy I like likes her more. I know I should be a good friend and appreciate how wonderful she is, but I just can't handle being behind her in everything anymore. How can I stop my jealousy?
- Bad Friend
Well, Bad Friend, welcome to the human race. And feel free to feel jealous once in a while, because it happens to all of us. What counts is whether that feeling ties us up into knots or whether it is just a passing emotion. All it means is that we are still learning how to care for and love others more—and just haven't got it all right yet.
Try to learn to appreciate the other girl, and not keep on comparing her with yourself. Comparisons can be deadly! They are usually false, make us feel miserable and take us nowhere. It is not a question of stopping jealousy, but rather substituting it with something more positive, like appreciation. The best way to deal with unwanted feelings is to push them away with more positive ones. Good luck!
I am in love with a man who is a lot older than me. I am just 17, and he is 35. I know he cares about me, but he says I am too young. I tried to forget him but I just can't, because this is not just a crush. Is it possible for us to have a future?
Sweet Seventeen
Yes, normally, such a relationship will have its problems. It is not unusual for a younger girl to be attracted to an older man for a number of reasons, such as security, maturity, and understanding. There are different kinds of love, as you know; attention, attraction, infatuation, passion, commitment, etc. It is seldom love or no love but a sort of continuum. Find out where you probably are on the continuum and go on from there.
