I can't get off all these social networking sites and sometimes spend much more time than I intend to. I realise its hampering my studies and that I am not spending enough time with my family, but can't find an alternative recreation. How do I spend less time online?
Bitten-by-the-social-bug
Dear Bitten-by-the-social-bug
This sounds like a type of addiction, if, by doing or not doing so, you feel uncomfortable. Usually, it is not that easy to simply stop doing something addictive, but it can be gradually curtailed until it no longer makes sense. So it is not a question of abruptly cutting the internet off but, rather, making a schedule according to which you can still use it --but less and less. Once you make the schedule, if you stick to it, the need becomes less. Another way to restrict the use of the internet is to deprive yourself of something you really like if you break your schedule. We are glad that you feel the need to spend more time with the family, because the internet can, strangely, separate us from those who are really important to us. The social networking sites are only virtual, not real, whereas family is very real. Slowly, it is not simply a question of spending less time online but, gradually, spending more time in the real world.
I always find that people are telling me what to do -family, friends, teachers, relatives- everyone. This confuses me and I do not know whom to listen to and whom not to. For instance, everybody has a say about my higher studies and I'm equally convinced by all of them. Who should I listen to?
Confuzzled
Dear Confuzzled
It is hard for us to reply, not knowing your age or status. In general, we should listen to what others tell us. Advice is good, but then again it is their advice and your life. Has anyone ever asked you what draws you, appeals to you, interests you? The best place to start is with yourself, only later the opportunities open to you. In the end, all advice, however well intended, is simply that: someone else's opinion. The final decision is yours. We shouldn't ignore it, but we don't always have to buy it.
Though I am a family-person by nature and love the attention I receive by my relatives, at 18, and as a girl, it's often uncomfortable when my uncle still pulls me to his lap. I know it doesn't mean anything but sometimes I am afraid. How do I make him stop doing that without putting him off?
Fearful
Dear Fearful
You are no longer a small child, even if an adult sees you that way. No doubt, the gesture is innocent enough, but, still, it is time for you no longer to be the 'little lady' and the young adult you now are. You need to let your uncle know that you are a big girl from now on, acting as an adult, both with your body language and your speech, so that he will get the message that it no longer makes sense to treat you as his 'little niece'. There are plenty of excuses you can use, so use your "I" messages more than 'you' ones.
L.V. Brooks
Sirjana Singh
Loyola Talim Sewa Center
Counselling/Guidance
