Of photos, porn and public display

FROM ISSUE # 170 (February 2010) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am a 19 year old girl who had been in a relationship for three years. We were so into each other that making out had become a regular thing. To make the sessions more interesting, we even took pictures. But we've broken up now. I do trust him enough to not go around posting the snaps, nevertheless, should I ask him to delete them or should I let it go.

Welcome to the world!  Trust does not always get fulfilled.  From our experience, it is necessary for you to reclaim the photos you want.  If he is honest, he will return them; otherwise, not.  Be aware that your situation is not rare these days.  It is not a good idea to just let it go.
 
Too strong a libido
I do understand that girls are from Venus and boys are from Mars, and that we have two completely different needs. But recently when I saw porn DVDs in my seventeen year old brother's room, it completely freaked me out. How normal is it for people to watch porn and where should the line be drawn?

Watching porn is no longer a rare event.  Usually, it stems from curiosity, and then becomes an addiction.  Normally, porn says nothing about healthy attitudes towards sex and love, just the act itself.  Basically, since most of it is acting before cameras, it is false and artificial.  Porn will not inform about the real meaning of relationships and love.  If your brother, out of curiosity, happens to watch it, that's one thing; but you really have to sit down with him and ask him what he has learned from all this, without threatening him or becoming frantic.  Let him know that such films are staged and not real. Perhaps then he will realise that there is more to relationships (care, sensitivity, mutual acceptance, etc.) than mere physicality.
 
Ew, love!
An elderly cousin of mine recently got married. It's awkward and gross seeing him get all lovey-dovey and mushy with his wife. And it's the same when I see other mature people snuggling. It's not just disgusting but enraging! Do I have a problem?

You sure do!  Nothing wrong with displaying one's genuine affection with one's mate.  "What the world needs now is love, sweet love" are the words to a popular song which still holds true.  And love unexpressed is not full love.  We don't want to spend our lives guessing about our love for one another; we need to show it.  How we do so may be another thing, but the fact remains that the world needs more love, not less.  Also, remember that, often, what we don't like in another's behaviour may reflect something missing in our own lives. You may want to think about something you do or don't do yourself, that you condemn in others!

L.V. Brooks & Sirjana Singh