Group Pressure: Good or Not so Good

FROM ISSUE # 162 (June 2009) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am 21 years old and was a previous drug abuser. I have become clean for the last 2 years and I vouch never to return to that terrible habit again. But the problem is my life after I've become clean is much harder than I thought it would be. The constant nagging of parents, the social isolation and the general feeling of worthlessness sometimes urges me to return to drugs again. Whenever I see friends my age doing well in college and jobs, I feel terrible for myself. I haven't even finished my SLC. Please help.
Worthless
 
Dear Worthless,
There is a saying that the cure is often worse than the malady. We are never really cured of an addiction, but we can recover. Still, once we are clean again, we do not give in to addiction but the temptation is always there. Be aware that it does not help to compare yourself to others; they don't care about you, so you do not need to worry about them. Start with yourself, enjoy the clean living you have, be realistic about your recovery and, above all, take good care of yourself. Give yourself credit for what you have done and feel proud about it as well.
 
 
I am a 19 year old girl and I enjoy life. I am from a well-off family and am currently pursuing my degree. My friends and I go to bars and parties almost every weekend. The problem is I don't want to start drinking yet. All of my friends and their older boyfriends drink and I am the only one who doesn't. Even though nobody forces me to drink alcohol, I feel bad for not being able to do so. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy their company immensely. What should I do?
Ms Teetotaller
 
Dear Ms Teetotaller.
Now you know how group pressure really works. You don't have to drink just because everyone else does, but still the teasing and pressure is there. You might want to drink a substitute, if one is possible, like a cold drink or something. Remember that good friends would understand and not pressure you.  Otherwise, you might want to re-examine your friendships. Good friends would accept your choice.

I am a 17 year old girl originally from Dang. I recently shifted to Kathmandu to complete my high school but I am finding it really difficult to adjust to life here. Everything is so swift and life here moves on the fast lane. At school too, all my classmates are from  well-off families who flaunt expensive gadgets and stylish clothes. Even though none of they say it on my face, I think all of them label me as this 'small town girl', who is freakish in nature. I know things will be better with time but I have no one to guide me right now.
Small Town Girl
 
Dear Small Town Girl,
Welcome to the big city! We would be surprised if the above was not happening to you. You can choose just to be yourself or let others decide about your happiness. You can be proud of your background without having to adopt all the trappings of the big city. What counts is who you are, not what you wear or have=. Still, what you are experiencing is so common to so many. At the same time, in the big city some things are good, others not so good. You can choose what you want, what fits and leave the rest alone. Just be aware that you have lots of company; there are many like you here.

Send you problems to wave[at]himalmedia.com. Your problems will be answered by LV Brooks along with Sirjana Singh. SJ has decades of experience in counselling and has worked as a guidance counsellor at St Xavier's. Sirjana has been working as a professional counsellor for over seven years.