Life is self-made not home-made

FROM ISSUE # 158 (February 2009) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am currently studying in the 10th grade and would call myself an average student. Like many other students my age, I too am worried about which career path to take after school. I took an aptitude test recently and according to it, I am capable of studying any subject I wish. I am interested in studying Chartered Accounting (CA) but according to my parents and my elders, it is a very tough subject and is very difficult to complete. I wanted to know about this field and its scope in Nepal. Where else in the world could I study the subject and what do I need to do for it? SULTAN13 

Dear SULTAN13,
You are right! CA is very difficult. A very good place to study this, of course, is India. Their courses are very demanding and challenging. In any case, anywhere you go, the course will be a challenge. There is plenty of scope for this field in Nepal and the rest of Asia.

I am a 17-year-old college girl. My problem is that no matter what I think it always results in the opposite. If I hope for something positive, something negative happens and if I think of something negative the outcome is positive. Shall I blame my luck for this or should I change the way I think? Or should I take the easier path and be a pessimist so that I can enjoy positive results?Reezma

 Dear Reezma,
Life is what we make it, not what we want it to be. No amount of wishful thinking will make much difference. It is better to be realistic than fanciful. The big challenge in life is not to make life adjust to us but to adjust to life. 

My mother and I don't get along. She is one of those helicopter parents. She shouts at me for everything which has now become a habit. It used to hurt me when I was younger but now that I am 18 I am learning to be okay with it. She doesn't understand me and according to an astrologer, our planets are totally opposite and that we will never get along. Could this really be the reason I am lacking  affection and understanding from her? I have tried my best to get along with her but it hasn't worked. It's annoying to hear people say, she is your mother and loves you however. I know every mother loves their child but isn't it important for my mom to show me some love to make me believe in it?
Sad Daughter  

Dear Sad Daughter,
 Each one of us is born with certain outlooks on life, some very strict, others more relaxed. Added to this is the effect of our family, our training and education. One man's fish is another man's poison is a good description for this. Your mother no doubt loves you, but she probably is unable to change the way you want. Tolerance is needed on both sides, beginning with you.

I am 20 years old and have been married for a year and a half. Even though it's not been long that we've been married, our life together isn't smooth. We haven't talked to each other for six months and fail to understand his problem concerning me. We were almost divorced at one point but the fear of losing property, he accepted to make things work out. Though his relatives support me, my in-laws seem to have a different attitude towards the whole situation. He left Nepal last March and hasn't called me or replied to my emails since then. His parents say he hasn't called them either but his nephew told me that he did. My in-laws don't allow me to work. I now want to live alone and make a career of my own. I want to leave them without losing my family's prestige. What can I do, please help me!Helpless Girl 

Dear Helpless,
Yours is a really difficult situation. And it says a lot about your husband and your in-laws, to say nothing of our society. There is no simple answer to your situation. You will need to make some difficult decisions, which will necessarily affect everyone else. I recommend that you consult a counsellor who may be able to help you. Good Luck!  Send your problems to wave@himalmedia.com. LV Brooks,SJ has decades of experience in counselling and has worked as guidance counsellor at St Xavier's College.