Reconnecting

by BIKESH SHRESTHA

FROM ISSUE # 156 (December 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
	REFER TO FRIEND		PRINT THIS ARTICLE

When I was small, I used to play a game called 'pick the friend you like the most' with my friends. In the game, one person crouched down on the floor, while the rest circled him or her singing a song. The song narrated the loneliness of the person in the middle and directed the person to wipe her tears and choose a friend s/he liked the most. Back then, I used to have friends around me all day, and at times we had sleepovers. I never realised the true point of that game or perhaps I was too little to understand.

Whenever I'm having dinner late in the silence of another lonely night, I always think back and take a trip down memory lane. I once used to be with my friends–when I used to be happy. There's never a day when I don't ask myself why I chose a life in which I have to work like a dog without respite. More often than not, I wonder why I can't just call my friends and play ball or spend hours laughing at their unforced, effortless jokes. A few times a month, I get emails from them. Usually, they are forwards or invitations to social network sites. I do the same, and that's my excuse for staying in touch with my friends.

It's not that I haven't met people good enough to be friends with after college, but they just don't seem to fill the position. My childhood or even my college friends must have set the bar so high that these new people just can't live up to it. They never seem to have free time and even during lunch all they want to talk about is their careers.

There was a time when this kind of talk used to be so much fun. Back in high school, we dreamed of becoming as rich as Bill Gates and having girlfriends so sexy that even Brad Pitt would be jealous. Though I'm moving towards the same dream of becoming rich, everything feels empty. The feeling is the same as winning a race against your friends while going to school and getting there so fast that there's no one nearby to cherish your victory with. Life has never been this hollow.

As my hands move up and down and sideways on the keyboard while I write this journal, a frantic search for a solution ends with a proper resolution. I am going to accept the invitations for Facebook and leave comments on all of my friends' pictures. Even though they are so scattered around the globe that it's hard to keep track of places, I will try to get in touch with them. I am going to buy a couple of beers and invite the guy next door to watch football this Saturday night. I will call Sushii and tell her that I'm ready to be good friends with her even after our break-up. I just hope that maybe, just maybe, I can recuperate from all this loneliness and put my life back on track. I am going to play the same 'pick the friend you like the most' game, only this time I will pick all of my friends and let them know how much they mean to me. Had I only done this before, perhaps a lot would be different now.