Shades of Love

FROM ISSUE # 151 (July 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am a girl aged 17 and am in love with a boy who I don't know at all. I don't even know his name and only see him on the street sometimes. Since the day I saw him I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I don't know what he does and neither do I have friends who know him. This makes it very difficult for me to talk about him with my friends. I often find myself blushing when he is around and am too shy to go up and speak to him. I have no clue what to do but am sure I like him very much. Is this love? Please help.
Miss Crazzzy

Dear Miss Crazzy,
Well, you certainly are experiencing great attraction to this boy, whether he knows it or not. That is the very first stage of loving. Much more remains. Communication is very important from now on. Where this will go only the future will tell. Liking someone is fine; it need not necessarily be love, even liking someone is a start. Now it is up to you to get out there and communicate your attraction. If he is unaware then there is no love possible.  Liking is good and all that, but love is the name of the game, and it has several stages before any commitment.  Good luck!
 
I am a 17 year old boy and have been in love with my classmate for the past four years. But she doesn't know about my feelings yet. We are childhood friends and I am afraid I'll ruin our friendship if I tell her how I feel. I have a feeling that she likes me too but hasn't expressed it yet. Please help me make her aware of my feelings without losing out on our friendship.
Friendly Love

Dear Friendly Love,
An appropriate name for you!  Often, friendly love can lead to more than that, and often one person knows it before the other. If she has been comfortable just being a friend, anything more than that will be a shock at first. It will take time and tact to let her know that your friendly love is more than that. Then she has to decide what she wants to do about that. Most of the time, the girl would want to stick with just being friends, at least until she gets used to the idea that even more is possible. She may even stop talking to you for some time while she works this out for herself. Don't be surprised if this happens. A lot depends on how you let her know how you feel, but be ready for any kind of answer. Go slow, take your time and give her room to adjust. Good luck!

This might not sound like a problem but I can't seem to deal with it well. My boyfriend is a gem of a person and I am confident that he loves me very much. The problem is that he showers me with gifts, yes I know many might find it funny that I am writing to you about this, but I can't seem to keep up with it. No, I don't believe that money can buy love and I am not trying to buy my boyfriend either. I just want to be able to express to him at times that I love with more than words. And moreover it's so difficult shopping for a man who seems to have everything. What do I do?
Materialistic
 
Dear Material Girl,
You are right: gifts don't buy love and sometimes are a substitute for love rather than an expression of it! All you have to do is to let him know that it is not necessary to constantly shower you with gifts, as you are convinced of his affections. At the same time, let him know that you are unable to match his gift-giving with some of your own. I am sure you will be able to find ways to let him know that gifts, though welcome, are not necessary. 

Send your questions to: wave[at]himalmedia.com. Father LV Brooks, SJ has decades of experience in counselling and has worked as the guidance counsellor at Saint Xavier's College.