Break-ups, Break-downs | Oasis

I am 19 years old and have been in love with a girl since I was in class 7. But for the past two years we've had a very cold relationship. Even though we are in a relationship, we don't have face-to-face conversations and only talk on the phone. That too isn't regular. I can't tolerate her talking to other boys. We don't talk to each other much but still haven't decided if we've broken up or not. Rumours have spread in college about us and I don't know what to do.
In or out

Dear In or Out,
Where are you now?! Wow! You have a full plate: lack of communication, impersonal contact, possessiveness and the rest! No wonder things are confusing. You need to work on all of these issues, or else you will still be neither in nor out. I would suggest that you begin with clear communication with the girl, letting her know where you are coming from and letting her do the same with you. I don't know the girl, but why not be friends with other boys? She doesn't know where you stand, so what she is doing is natural.

I am a 16 year old boy and just broke up with my girlfriend of one and a half years. I still love her and I just can't let her go. She wasn't happy with me and since I want her to be happy I broke up with her. My friends tell me to forget her but she is always on my mind. There is probably no chance for us to patch up. How do I get over her? Please help me.
Desprate :(

Dear Desperate (Desprate),
Both the break-up and the moving on are difficult. If the separation was mutual, then it will take a little time to let the dust settle, as it were. But then it is time to move on to other relationships, rather than just holding on to something that is no longer there. If the first one was positive, remember that; if not, you can forget it and move on. Hang on to the good stuff, but don't let it stop you from going on to even more possibilities. It is not a question of getting over someone but rather going beyond her to something else.
Good luck!

I am a 17 year old boy who fell in love at first sight with a girl I met at a club. We got to know each other and after few days, I proposed to her, and she accepted. Over the weekend we hung out a lot together and it was probably the happiest weekend of my life. But after that, she went missing and after a month I found out that she was in rehab. I visited her often at the rehab and waited anxiously for her but when she came, she didn't recognised me and when I tried to talk her she just ran away from me. I am confused and don't know what to do. I'm crazy about her and feel I can't live without her.
Aasantusta

Dear Unsatisfied,
Okay, you met a great girl at first sight, but it turns out that she has problems of her own. For a time, perhaps, you helped her to forget about her issues, but eventually she had to re-enter treatment, for her own good. Part of the treatment is to go back to past issues which brought her there, and you were not one of them; so naturally she had to ignore you as part of her therapy. The best thing to do is to let her be and support her in her efforts to regain her health once more. It is not a question of not being able to live without her but rather living for her so that she can live more fully.

Send your questions to: wave[at]himalmedia.com. LV Brooks, SJ has decades of experience in counselling and has worked as the guidance counsellor at St Xavier's College.