This thing called love

FROM ISSUE # 148 (April 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am a 15 year old guy currently studying in grade ten. But I am in love with a girl who is taking her SLC exams this year. We started off as friends and were in touch through letters and phone. But after about two or three weeks, she became a residential student at the school for her studies. I miss her a lot and can't stop thinking about her. She is still not aware of my feelings and I don't know how to let her know because I am scared of ruining our friendship. Should I or should I not let her know how I feel? Please help me.
Sagar (Sim)

Dear Sagar,
Sounds like your girl friend is slightly older than you, and her parents want her to do well in the SLC. I am sure you want the same for her, even if it means being separated from her for a while. Once the exams are over, she may be more free to respond. Loving or showing love for someone else is always a risk, but one worth taking if it is important enough. A lot depends on how you let her know how you feel, it should be done in such a way that she can respond however she wants, not the way you want.  None of this "Love me or I will die" sort of thing!  Work on how you think you want to let her know how you feel, and do it in such a way that she can decide how to reply.  No conditions, please!  Respect for the way she feels is also important.

I am 18 years old and study in +2. I live in Ratopul and am in love with a girl who used to live in the flat below me. She is pretty and cute and we became friends as she too studies in the same grade. She has now moved to a different house. I have wanted to tell her about my feelings but I am afraid I will offend her as we are close friends and do everything together. If I tell her about my feelings I am worried that she'll start hating me like the way she said she did with her other friend. Please help me as I can't live without her.
Love Light

Dear Love Light,
You have lived with her in the same building for years and now have to learn how to still care for her when she is away.  I have no idea who or how she is with you, so, how she thinks of you is not clear to me.  Maybe, to her, you are simply a faithful friend, that's all.  Or, it may be more than that.  The point is, you need to let her know how much you enjoyed living with her for so long and now miss her.  See how she responds to that.  Then you can go on from there if it makes sense.

I am a 19 year old girl and have been in a serious relationship with a guy for the past 6 months. We recently found out that according to our caste we happen to be brother and sister. This really has us depressed but he isn't ready to break off the relationship and says he can't live without me and suggests that we elope to a place where no one knows us. I am really worried and don't know what we should do because if we do as he says we will be committing a sin. Please help us as we both love each other very much.
Related

Dear Related,
I can't tell you what to do or not to do, of course, nor can I say much about caste or sin, since that is not my expertise.  What I can say is that, no matter what decision you may take, you need to be ready to accept the consequences fully   I know one boy who made such a drastic decision over 30 years ago and is still suffering for it.  What counts is not only the decision but also the consequences of that decision.  Even if you do decide to elope, will you be able to live with it and be happy?  It does not help to put the blame or responsibility on family or society; the decision and its aftermath is yours. Good luck!

Send you questions to: wave[at]himalmedia.com. LV Brooks, SJ has decades of experience in counselling and has worked as the guidance counsellor at St. Xavier's College.