Across the Distance

Long Distance Relationships: Up, Close and Personal

by SHEERE NG

FROM ISSUE # 146 (February 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
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A long distance relationship is not just a phenomenon in the time of globalisation. It happened as early as evolution, as soon as humans began to put on clothes and travel away from home.

It happened when men went to war as kingdom fought kingdom and it happened in the wild, when men had to travel far and wide in search of food. It can happen to anyone who can live with dilemmas such as 'I love you, but I have to leave you.'

The subject has been overly discussed among friends, exhausted by Hollywood and Bollywood movies and frequently visited by books and magazines. But the young and innocent, the mature and the love stricken, all are still getting themselves into long distance relationships, despite people warning them of its danger and hopelessness. Type "long distance relationship" in Google and it unrolls a list of websites giving advice, book recommendations, and analyses on how to make it work.

There is a demand for such discussion, especially when reality is pulling us into different directions, most of the time towards work and studies. For the benefit of our readers, who not only have to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship but also geography, WAVE talked to two couples who have successfully maintained a long distance relationship.

Sandeep and Tanushree*
They met in school and became the best of friends. In love with each other but too scared to ruin their friendship, they got together 11 years later when he came back from the USA for a month. He now works in America as a sales associate while she is in Kathmandu, pursuing her career in education.

Sharon and Tenzin*
They were classmates and got together immediately after the A levels, two years since his tireless pursuit. She flew to Australia for her studies one year later while he stayed in the country to complete his degree at a local university.

We contact each other…
Sandeep: Each and every chance I get. We use the phone, instant messengers and sometimes the webcam.

Sharon: Every night. We talk on the phone for at least an hour. There is no better way to keep each other updated on our lives. I got cheap call cards that allow me this daily necessity.

We celebrate the special days (e.g. birthdays, Valentine's day)…
Sandeep: Everyday is a special day, and we celebrate it with love. Just a simple message like "Good morning Hon, hope you slept well" can make her day and mine too.

Sharon: We send each other gifts. And if we have the time, then they're hand-made. I made a sketchbook calendar for him with each month's design themed according to our special day that falls in the month.

Sacrificial things you do…
Sandeep: Due to the time difference, she stays up till 3AM to call me and tell me that she misses me. It's romantic and unforgettable.

Sharon: He came to Australia last June to visit me for two weeks. He paid for his own trip so he had to work part time to make it possible. I chipped in a little for the time that we spend together

I really hope he/she is there…
Sandeep: When I am having exams. I get stressed and his presence could have soothe my feelings.

Sharon: Two seconds ago so, all the time.

We build our relationship based on…
Sandeep: Trust. It is the key to success. Next comes honesty. When doubts arise, we step up and ask instead of assuming things.

Sharon: Trust. There is no other equally important element.

Temptations aren't tempting because…
Sandeep: If the relationship does matter to you, avoiding temptations should be as easy as wiping dust off your shoes. You don't want to hurt the person you love the most.

Sharon: I am content with what I already have.

Arguments arise because…
Sandeep: One feels they aren't getting the attention they deserve from the other.

Sharon: When I throw tantrums over small things just to vent my anger on him.

Advantages of a long distance relationship…
Sandeep: None, unless you want to build your patience.

Sharon: We live in very different environments and they are inspirations for our daily chats.

Long distance relationship is…
Sharon: Difficult. It requires a lot of communication. For example, what time to call so that it's convenient for both. There are many things to explain so the other can understand better as we live in very different environment.

Sandeep: It is not difficult because she is my partner. We've known each other for ages and I read her like a book. I don't think I would have gone this far if it had been someone else.

Advice for separated love birds…
Sandeep: Take every chance and moment to show and tell him/her you love them. Don't say things when you don't mean them, especially when they hurt the other person. And never take each other for granted, in any kind of relationship.

Sharon: Talk everyday. Communication is the way to go.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.