Pressing the wrong buttons | Young Ideas

Growingup in today's Nepal is difficult. Thanks to globalisation, we're stuck between the modernity of the West and the conservativeness of our society. Add to that a huge dose of pressure from parents on doing and being a certain way and you begin to question–where's the fun in being young?

WAVE spoke to a group of class 11 and 12 students from Gyanodaya Higher Secondary School about the pressure they have to deal with from their parents in terms of studies, fashion and careers. This group of eloquent and very mature students all agreed that there needs to be a balance on where to draw the line with their parents. Read on to know how they justify that being young doesn't always mean being wrong.

Participants:
Pasang Lamu Sherpa, 17
Annie Tamang, 20
Mahima Gurung, 17
Deepa Phagami Pun, 17
Prashamsa Shrestha, 16
Bidisha Shakya, 18
Rashmi Maharjan, 16
Sarin Shrestha, 18
Suhang Nimbang, 19
Dipen Rai, 18
Sulav Gurung, 17

What kind of relationship do you share with your parents?
Mahima: We have a friendly relationship.
Suhang: I can never say because when things are okay with my mother there is a problem with my father and vice versa.
Sulav: I should say it is okay.
Rashmi: We are close but not so close that I discuss my love interest with them.
Deepa: It's the same with me. I can talk to my mother about my boyfriend but not with my father.

Are they are very flexible or is there a must that you do as they say?
Pasang: Sometimes they're flexible.
Deepa: At times we can convince them to do things our way.
Bidisha: I have to be logical with them and they let me do what I want.

When are they very rigid?
Suhang: They are very strict about studies.
Prashamsa: When I want outings at night to go to a party.
Sarin: They don't let me go when I want to go out for a long tour and it needs a lot of convincing.
Sulav: Rigid as in they are concerned about us that's why they ask too many questions.
Deepa: Yes, like where we are going and with whom we're going with.

Is 'what will others say' usually the ending of a conversation from their side?
Annie: Yes, it is.
Prashamsa: They do and I think it's mostly used when talking to their daughters.
Suhang: It happens with boys too I have a friend who is a boy and he has to get home by six.

Apart from studies is there any other areas where you have to deal with the pressure from your parents?
Suhang: It's mainly studies.
Deepa: If we play games we are pressurised to do well in that too.
Dipen: No it's an overall pressure to do well and be the best in every field.
Annie: Yes, the way I dress and the way I style my hair. (Annie has short hair).
Sulav: Well there is pressure but it only increases when our quality decreases because they worry about us and want the best.

Did you choose your stream of study on your own or did you have to because your parents wanted you to?
Annie: My parents wanted me to study nursing and I didn't so I had to fight with them to study Humanities. They still haven't given up on forcing me to switch my stream.
Rashmi: I wanted to study Science so I did.
Sarin: I had to take up Science because my parents wanted me to. I wanted to study management but had to opt for science because my father wanted me to do so.
Bidisha: I was given the freedom to choose.

Is there pressure on you to go abroad to study and the choice of country?
Prashamsa: I don't want to go but once I finish grade 12 they want me to go to America.
Suhang: I want to go to Canada to study but my parents want me to go to America. They rationalise saying I have many relatives there and it will be easy for me but I don't want to for the same reason.
Deepa: My parents want me to go to Australia but I want to go to USA.

Do you have to deal with a lot of comparisons to other people your age from them?
Mahima: I think everyone has to deal with it.
Deepa: Especially on the day of the results.
Dipen: Comparisons are always made which is irritating.

How do you justify such comparisons if you are the shorter end?
Annie: I want to live and learn on my own terms and not the way others want me to which bugs them to no end.
Suhang: By asking them to focus equally on the positives as they do on the negatives.

Who do you go for support or comfort to get away from the pressure?
Prashamsa: I sit and think on my own and keep a dairy.
Rashmi: I have a brother so I talk to him.
Sulav: To friends but it's just a form of relief.
Dipen: They too are going through the same things as us so it's easy to talk and find a solution for the problems.

Where do you think there needs to be parental pressure?
Unanimous answer: Studies, if it wasn't for that 95% of the students would not study properly but there has to be a limit to it.

Do you understand why they are doing so?
Deepa: No I don't at the heat of the moment but later I do understand that they want the best for me.
Bidisha: Anger doesn't let me rationalise.
Mahima: I too don't, but once the anger dies, it is easy to see that they want the best out of me.
Suhang: Initially we don't, but when it starts to benefit us we do it out of our own will.

Why do you think parents pressurise their children?
Prashamsa: For the benefit of the child.
Deepa: To maintain the standards of the child.
Annie: To stay away from sadness and keep a name in the society.
Dipen: They have a fear that their child might get into bad habits, so to avoid that.
Sarin: They don't want the child to go through the same hardships as they did.

Do you think parents live a life they couldn't through their child?
Deepa: Yes, sometimes.
Suhang: Yes they do but they need to understand that we aren't them.
Pasang: Yes they do but there is no point doing that because the child will never give their 100% to it by forcing them.
Sulav: It is true but because of it sometimes their plan backfires and the child makes a wrong choice.