Life’s Dilemma

FROM ISSUE # 146 (February 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
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My boyfriend and I usually hang out in a pub at Thamel. We once bumped into a girl who he previously used to fancy. The following week one of our common friends invited us for a party. The girl was also there and she was getting really chatty with my boyfriend. But it did not end there. We have been 'close friends' now and often hang out together with the girl. Whenever we go out he always seems concerned about the things she does. I feel left out when she is around. He tells me there is nothing to worry about even though he admits that they also talk on phone. It really bothers me. I am really confused on what I should do. Am I being cheated on?

Croosh

Dear Croosh,
Sounds like you need to clarify your relationship with the boy,  not only in relation to you but also to the other girl.  You also need to let the boy know not only how you feel about his other relationship but also what you expect from yours.
 
Otherwise, there will continue to be confusion and mistrust. I can not say whether the boy is cheating or not, but you can clear this up with him.  Try not to use the word "cheat" while doing so because this will sound like an accusation.  Just talk about how you feel about the situation to him and let him know what you need and want.
 
I am a student of grade 10 and am under a great pressure. I am giving my SLC this year and my parents are sure that I am going to get a distinction. They also tell my relatives about it and everywhere I go, I am the subject of the discussion. But I am really stressed out and I fear that that I might actually spoil my exams. I am a good student but I'll be devastated if I can't fulfil the expectations of my parents. Please, please, please help me deal with the situation.

Shravankumar
 
Dear Shravankumar,
It is clear that the problem is with your parents and relatives, but you are feeling the consequences!
The best way to succeed in exam-as well as in life-is to live your own life, not others'. The only way to do well in an exam is to be relaxed and fresh. If you are tense, depressed or stressed, you will no doubt do poorly. You are clearly a good, conscientious student, which explains why so many people are putting pressure on you. I give you permission to live up to your own expectations. Good luck in all you do!

Hi! I am a 16-year old girl and am very confused. I have a big problem. Two of my very good friends are guys. One of them is really good looking and sporty while the other is not very handsome but very intelligent. After a party at a friend's place I kissed the good looking friend but a few days later the other friend also asked me out. I am close to both of them and I like them as good friends even though I have shared a kiss with one of them. Please tell me who I should go out with and if kissing a guy translates into me having to date him.

Confused
 
Dear Confused,
Now I am confused!  Here we have one girl, two boys, one kiss and many dates!

The point is, you don't have to either kiss or date anyone if you don't choose to. Be aware that a boy could translate a kiss into something more serious than you intend.  It is good to have friends, but you do not have to treat them all equally.  That depends on both you and the boy. You are free to choose whom to date and even to kiss!

Send your questions to: wave[at]himalmedia.com. LV Brooks. SJ has decades of experience in counsellling and has worked as the guidance counsellor at St. Xavier's College.