Addicted to love

FROM ISSUE # 147 (March 2008) | IN THIS ISSUE
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I am an 18-year-old Madhesi guy currently studying in Kathmandu. I am in love with a Mongolian girl. It's surprising because I have been taught that big nose and small eyes aren't beautiful. I was influenced by Bollywood movies but now all that has changed. I want to let her know how I feel but we are as different as chalk and cheese. Even though we speak the same language – Nepali – hers sounds like Chinese and mine like Maithaili. I am not sure if she knows about my feelings and she doesn't feel much when we are together, but I can't stop thinking of her. Please help.

Loser X

Dear Loser X 
It sounds like you are really a "loser"!  You say you are a Madhesi, while the girl is not.  You live in one place, she in another.  Her eyes and nose are different from yours and she does not even talk like you; yet you like her. To make matters worse, you can't even talk to her, just think of her!  Where do you go from here?  Is love only skin deep?  Do you like her because of the way she looks, talks and walks, or because she is who she is?  You need to decide. 

I am 22 years old and used to go to school in India. After my high school I moved in with my boyfriend of three years and had a live-in relationship for the next three years. But things started to get bad while I was in doing my Bachelor's so we broke off. Now I have met another guy who is nothing like my previous boyfriend and I am very happy in this relationship. But my present boyfriend seems to get angry every time we happen to talk of my previous relationship. This is clearly putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship. What should I go because I can't change my past and I don't want to lose this guy?

Ghost of the past

Dear Spirit
Sounds like your past is affecting your present, but it does not have to determine your future. It all depends upon how and why you even bring it up. If it becomes either a weapon or a threat to the boy, not so good.  Even worse when it is used to compare him with another.  Ideally, the past should help us to avoid repeating old mistakes and adopting new, better ways of acting.  The past is over.

I am a 20-year-old female from Kathmandu. My boyfriend goes to college in the US. Although we are very much in love with each other, he constantly spends time with other girls and even has them over for sleepovers. I trust him when he says that nothing happened between him and the girls but I cannot help but feel insecure. What am I to do?

Unhappy chick

Dear Chick
It is easy to understand how you feel because, though there seems to be open communication between you, his actions appear to be different from his commitment to your relationship.  Instead of worrying about it, you would do well to share both your concern and your needs with him.  It may all be innocent, but does it fit?

I am nineteen years old and have been smoking pot for the past three years. I like to think I am not addicted but I find myself very irritated, depressed and fidgety when I am sober. I have self esteem issues as well. Do I have a drug problem? Do I need to check into a rehabilitation centre?
Drugged

Dear Drugged
You are right; you are addicted! Both your behaviour and your reactions clearly so this. Just as you can not be half pregnant, you are addicted or not. No doubt, there may well be self – esteem issues involved; they usually are. I suggest that you contact an understanding and qualified counsellor for help.

Send your questions to: wave[at]himalmedia.com. LV Brooks. SJ has decades of experience in counsellling and has worked as the guidance counsellor at St. Xavier's College.