BOOKS DOOMED ME | In On The Act

What if I say that I am doomed because of my addiction to books? Yes, the ecstasy that I reach through words and emotions is enough to make me suicidal. Suicidal, not related to death but the truth that is hidden. What happens when you know the truth is nothing but pain?

Shakespeare's work is considered to be the book of life. No one can exactly state that he held the same ideology as in his 36 works of literature. His characters are balanced; even the murderous Macbeth wins the sympathy of a reader as does the stupid King Lear. After reading the bard, I think and rationalize more which leaves me forgiving my opponents and those I have differences with most of the times. I know forgiving is a noble act but I get to differ and want to become normal. Now tell me, am I not doomed?

The experiencing of rasas (emotions) in Sanskrit plays in another realization that puts me at odds. As archaic reading has become the symbol of statuesque, mentioning post-modern context has become fashionable. Today, the popular culture is in vogue of measuring the society with the unit of western standard. And mentioning of Sanskrit play proves to be a boring piece, probably. I know it is healthy to know our roots but when I come down to sharing my excitement related to it, I do not get a willing audience. Now, doesn't that make me boring?

Fyodor Dostoevsky was a gothic writer and his dwelling upon the dark side of human nature has given birth to the master pieces like Crime and Punishment, The Notes from Underground to name a few. His central characters are the murderous, the diseased, and the disheartened- all anti-social elements of society. But they possess intelligent insight of the society. Now tell me would the term anti-social mean anything to me in terms of people after reading such text? Isn't such concept considered to be chaotic? Am I not doomed?

There are many more books through which I have come closer to life and the experience of death. Noam Chomsky, Michael Foucault, Jacques Derrida are the other writers who teach one to be skeptic- about language, system, and structure of society. They provoke you to question the established knowledge and their sources, making you a life-size questionnaire. And one becomes even more doomed when one realizes that there are very few people who are ready to confront your queries. The matter becomes worse when you know more than you ought to know.

The truth and knowledge which is experienced through senses; I register them through words. Indeed, I think therefore I am. Am I not doomed when you ask me, what is the limit, especially when I don't have the answer.

With all these, I am doubly doomed because the more I know, the more I realize there is much more to learn. For me, knowledge is Pandora's Box of troubles and I prefer dying like this because I have only one life which gives me only one experience but when I read books, I live many lives. The whole point of this is I don't want to sound boring when I say I read.