I am in love with a man who is a lot older than me. I am just 17, and he is 35. I know he cares about me, but he says I am too young. I tried to forget him but I just can't, because this is not just a crush. Is it possible for us to have a future?
-Sweet Seventeen
Yes, normally, such a relationship will have its problems. It is not unusual for a younger girl to be attracted to an older man, for a number of reasons, such as security, maturity, and understanding. There are different kinds of love, as you know; attention, attraction, infatuation, passion, commitment, etc. It is seldom love or no love but a sort of continuum. Find out where you probably are on the continuum and go on from there.
I had a relationship with a girl, but we don't see each other any more. I found out recently that I have a STD, which can be treated. I don't know how I should tell her, because we had a big fight and now she won't talk to me any more. What is the best way to tell her that she needs a checkup?
-Ashamed
Well, Ashamed, it is good that you were able to find out the condition of your health. You do have some sort of obligation to let her know that she needs to take care of her health as well. You can do this in writing; that way, she can react in any way she wants. It doesn't sound as if she would listen much if you told her face to face. You can also offer to meet her in person to discuss the situation, no strings attached. It would help your relationship if you were to let her know that you are willing to do whatever you can for both of you.
Send your questions to oasis@wavemag.com.np. LV Brooks, SJ has decades of experience in counselling and is the guidance counsellor at St Xavier's College.
