The boiling of water | Feature

It's a great paradox. We all like good, fresh food, but not all of us can actually cook. It's a shame. When you want fresh air, you go take a walk, don't you, or go to the library when you want a book. So why can't you just go cook a meal when you want one? This inability to take charge of feeding ourselves reflects countless things about how we grow up, mostly that we rely on other people—usually mothers—to provide us with the necessities. It denotes an unhealthy passivity about life. You can't, in good faith, ask for more freedom or responsibility if you can't quite keep yourself alive and healthy.

Without further ado, here's how to boil water. First, make sure the pot is clean, and that there are no obvious impurities in the water (yes, I'm talking to my cousin who failed to notice Very Large Bits of Hay and sand deposits while boiling water for coffee). If there are impurities, filter the water first. Put the pot on the stove, light it (surely you can figure this out), and cover the pot. What they say about a watched pot never boiling is bunk. When you hear a low rattling, hissing sound, as if a couple of ball bearings were dancing around the room while your aged uncle dropped off in his armchair, take off the lid.

You'll see an agitation starting at the bottom of the pot and radiating upward and out. When the surface of the water is heaving unattractively, you know you have a boil coming. Of course, it depends on what you actually want to do with the water. For drinking, wait until there are large bubbles breaking over the surface of the water, then put the lid back on firmly, lower the fire a bit, and go cut your nails and blow the pollution out of your nose. The water's now fit to drink.

Next: The things you can do with eggs