I'm finishing my +2 this year, and everyone told me to apply to US colleges. I agreed, but now I'm regretting it because I don't really want to go and so haven't done things like sitting my SAT exams and properly researching colleges. Now I'm quite far behind, but when people ask I tell them that everything is going smoothly. How can I tell my family and friends that I've been misleading them?
-Puras
Well, Puras, you have learned that, if we are not motivated, we don't do much. It would have been good if you had told your friends and family that you were not interested, but it is too late to correct that. The main thing is that you seem to want to please everyone, even if what they want is not what you want. Doing something just because someone else is doing it does not make for good motivation! So now you have to tell those concerned that, while going through the admission process, you have found that you are not that interested any more. That gives you an out. It would also be good if you could tell them what you want to do instead.
A month ago my friend committed suicide. I was very shocked, because she always seemed very happy and normal. Since then, I've had trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. I keep thinking about her all the time, and just want to ask her why she did that. Who can help me find answers?
-Rocker
Well, Rocker, no one really knows why people end their lives. Even those who do it are probably not sure. I can see how this must affect you, but you can help yourself by realising that there is no real answer to your "why". There is only the "what". The main thing is not to let something someone else does tie you up in knots. The best thing you can do for both of you is to accept the "what" and forget the "why".
Send your questions to oasis@wavemag.com.np. LV Brooks, SJ has decades of experience in counselling and is the guidance counsellor at St Xavier's College.
