I am 18 years old, and have been with a boy for nearly two years. However, he went to the US two months ago to study. Now he doesn't reply to my mails, only calls me sometimes and doesn't talk for long. When I ask him what's wrong, he says it's nothing. We love each other, but I just don't know how to get through to him. How can I get him to talk to me?
- Prakriti
Well, Prakriti, you're definitely not alone! Once someone goes abroad, she/he has to struggle to manage a lot of distractions, stress and demands. It does not necessarily mean that they don't care, just that they are overwhelmed by all the new things they're coping with. Also, once someone goes to a new place, she/he may get a new perspective on the relationship and begins to see it in a new way. This is quite normal.
One way to get your boyfriend talk is to let him know how you feel, and then ask the same of him. Talk about yourself as well as about what he is thinking or feeling. No doubt, the relationship will undergo a shift of some kind. This is predictable. What counts is where it goes from here. There is a need for adjustments on both sides. It is important to communicate very clearly about what you need, want, like and expect.
My problem sounds silly, but I find myself being very competitive with my best friend. She does everything better than me—in school, sports, and social events. She is very popular, and now I think even a guy I like likes her more. I know I should be a good friend and appreciate how wonderful she is, but I just can't handle being behind her in everything anymore. How can I stop my jealousy?
- Bad Friend
Well, Bad Friend, welcome to the human race. And feel free to feel jealous once in a while, because it happens to all of us. What counts is whether that feeling ties us up into knots or whether it is just a passing emotion. All it means is that we are still learning how to care for and love others more—and just haven't got it all right yet.
Try to learn to appreciate the other girl, and not keep on comparing her with yourself. Comparisons can be deadly! They are usually false, make us feel miserable and take us nowhere.
It is not a question of stopping jealousy, but rather substituting it with something more positive, like appreciation. The best way to deal with unwanted feelings is to push them away with more positive ones. Good luck!
Send your questions to LV Brooks, SJ, at oasis@wavemag.com.np. He has decades of experience in counselling and is the guidance counsellor at St Xavier's.
