I love my mother, but she has become very religious and conservative. She is making life difficult for everyone in the family, as she insists on pujas and superstitions which are time-consuming and hard to understand. Every day she has some new belief, and insists I perform many ceremonies to help me with my studies. I want her to be happy, but don't know how to tell her that I don't believe in most of it and would rather spend the time studying or with my friends. I'm worried that this is getting excessive. Can you help me?
- Railroaded by religion
It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure. I wonder where your father is in all this. There are all kinds of explanations for your mother's behaviour, and religion may not be the real one. Once 'religion' becomes fanaticism, it is no longer really religion. perhaps you can talk with your mother and work out a deal—maybe where you take part in some ceremonies but still have enough time for your studies and friends. How can anyone oppose your wanting to devote more time to study? Good luck!
There is a boy in my college who says he's in love with me. I don't find him attractive, and told him honestly that I like someone else. Now he is making my life miserable by spreading rumours about me around the college, following me all the time and making blank calls to my house. People have started asking what is going on between us, and some say I must have done something to make him act that way. What can I do?
- Stalked
Obviously you can't force someone else to do or not do something you want, so it's best to do what is good for you. You need to let him know, without any doubt, what you want for yourself (privacy and self-respect) and don't want from him (pressure and jealousy). The more clearly you can do this, the better. You can't change his behaviour (only he can do that), but you have both a right and a duty to let him know—clearly—what you want or expect (or don't want and expect—the positives usually work best). If he sees that he is making you miserable, then he has won, hasn't he? But if you stand up to him plainly and let him know what you will or will not put up with, he has to do something about it. Start with yourself, not with him, and go on from there.
Send your questions to LV Brooks, SJ at oasis@wavemag.com.np. He has decades of experience in counselling and is the guidance counsellor at St Xaver's.
