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Guidance, not control
by AARTI BASNYAT AND RISHI AMATYA
| FROM ISSUE # 127 (July 2006) | IN THIS ISSUE | |||
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It is always easier to sweep subjects that we are uncomfortable with under the carpet and say it will never happen to me. Child abuse is one such subject. The reality is that it exists and awareness is a step closer to dealing with the problem. 
This month, we invited young students who worked as volunteers with CWIN and others who had witnessed various forms of child abuse. Bharat Adhikari, programme officer at CWIN, helped facilitate the discussion.
Participants:
Prasanna Gautam (18), St Xavier's College;
Samyam Rajbhandari (18), Budhanilkanta School;
Bishal Karna (17), St Xavier's;
Rishav Shrestha (17) National Institute of Science; and
Sagar Sharma (18) St Xavier's.
What do you understand by child abuse? 
RISHAV: Abusing a child through either verbal, behavioural or other means.
SAMYAM: It is when a child is deprived of his rights as a human being.
BISHAL: If a child is made to work beyond his physical capacity and submit to torture, it is child abuse.
BHARAT ADHIKARI: If someone perpetrates mental, physical torture or harassment then such activities are definitely child abuse. Unwanted sexual attention is also child abuse as is the violation of the rights of a child.
Have you encountered such cases? 
SAMYAM: As a CWIN volunteer, I saw the real horrors of child abuse. I met a kid who was beaten up time and again by his parents when they were drunk.
SAGAR: I came across a kid who was working as domestic help in a house. He had to work twice as much to keep up with his domestic chores and his school work. I don't know how he managed it. He always looked dead tired.
Have you ever been bullied or bullied someone?
PRASANNA: All of us have been bullied in one way or another.
BISHAL: I didn't pay a taxi driver once. There were nearly eight of us and he couldn't press the issue further. We felt he was cheating us.
SAMYAM: The easiest form of bullying is to rag juniors. We did that a lot.
SAGAR: I used to call names and harass my friends if they put on lousy performances in sports.
Would you say eve-teasing is a form of abuse? 
BISHAL: I don't think so. It could be a compliment too.
RISHAV: There's a limit. If a girl is harassed mentally or physically, then it's abuse. Plain eve-teasing is not abuse.
SAMYAM: To a certain extent, teasing is not abuse. But the use of offensive language or physical contact is a form of abuse.
Risav: Sexual advances without mutual agreement or unwanted physical attention seeking sexual gratification.
 Rishav |
Who do you think faces more of such problems, girls or boys?
SAMYAM: Girls.
Bishal: Girls are very vulnerable but boys tend to hide and repress such problems.
BHARAT: There have been instances where men have suffered such abuse. But such cases do not surface because there is no authority to report to if men are sexually abused.
BISHAL: For that, our society's double standard is to blame. Women are more stigmatised than the men who suffer the same problem.
SAGAR: I agree. We are so bent on blaming the victim that we rarely do anything to ease the pain they might have felt. The media does the same; somebody's misfortune is a news scoop.
Would you guys marry a girl who has been sexually abused or raped? 
BISHAL: I don't think I'll marry a girl simply because she has been raped. It certainly isn't a criterion. But if I fall in love with her then her past wouldn't be such a big deal.
SAMYAM: It might not be a problem for us but I can't say the same for my family. They will have problems with their son marrying a girl who had been raped.
RISHAV: I'll have a problem with that. After all we have our own images of our life partners and if something goes against it, problems will arise.
How can we prevent such forms of abuse? 
BHARAT: Prevention is always better than cure. There must be wide spread awareness about these issues. Awareness is the key to put a stop to these problems.
PRASANNA: Yes, enlightening the general public will help lessen such atrocities. Interaction among friends and family members also helps increase awareness. It is time we talked of such things honestly.
BISHAL: I agree. These things must not be considered taboo any longer.
BHARAT: Parents must learn to respect the voices of the chldren to ensure their rights. Children must be given an environment they can bloom in, to participate in all spheres of social and family life. Parents need to understand that children must be guided not controlled.