I have a problem: I don't believe in love. I've seen a lot of friends fall in love and then break-up two years, seven months or even three days later. I am in college. One of the guys proposed to me and I said 'no' because I think that at this age, love is only infatuation. A chat friend who I saw only once said he loved me. I told him that I didn't believe in love. What is my problem?
One untrustable friend toward love (Sorry, I don't want to mention my name)
Dear Untrustable friend,
No problem about your name! Perhaps "frustrated" would be a better word than "cautious". As you have already learned, love is a feeling—but not only a feeling which comes and goes. Love has many stages and variations, as you now know. Love is there, is real, but has its own way of doing things. So it is not a question of doubting love, which is real, but of finding out what true love really is. That takes both time and patience, and I am sure you will be able to give yourself to both. Yes, love is sometimes attraction, attention, infatuation, but that is only the beginning. It should end in some sort of commitment—but that will come in time. You have learned a lot already!
I am a 16-year-old girl. A guy likes me and I like him too but neither of us can express ourselves. My friend also likes this guy and there is another guy who likes me. The first guy knows all this. Now, what do I do?
Interest
Hi Interest (is that really your name?!),
Sounds as if you are an interesting girl of 16, if you have all those boys interested in you! Still, for anything to happen now, you will have to communicate and also feel good about so many people liking you—and him. The more, the merrier! What counts now is to let everyone know that it is all right for several people to like other people as well. Is it that you can't or don't express what you feel or want? The more you let people know what you want, need, like or expect, the clearer things will be. I hope you can learn how to do this. If not, get back to us for more!
This is my first mail. I'm a bit tensed. There's this guy who says that he loves me but he is way older. He says he can do anything for me. I'm just a 15-year-old school-going gal. I've talked to him and feel that he is a good guy but my friends say he can't be with me. I always find myself in trouble but this time, you've got to suggest something.
Scul gal
Hey Scul gal,
Nice name! Boy, you have lots of time to explore this—or any other—relationship. It need not be the one and only. Just because someone is 'nice' and such does not mean this is meant to be for real or for good. Lots of nice people are around these days! Take your time and test the waters, as they say. And leave yourself open to the possibility of other boys coming into your life as well. There are lots of great guys around for you to get to know. In short, take your time; you have lots of it!
