Happily Ever After | Feature

Arati says I need to be more active. Interpreted it to mean that she needed to shed a few extra kilos but needed me to keep her company. Couldn't see anything 'extra' in her kilos. Told her that the amount of energy that I loose trying to avoid Blind Date and his phone calls leaves me with a very paltry calorie reserve. If I get more active than this I'll start fainting.

Arati argued that if I built up stamina, I'd have a better chance of avoiding Blind Date. That sounded appealing. Wasn't anticipating what Arati had in mind when she said 'active' though. Thought she meant a pleasant activity like swimming, where you can dupe everyone, including yourself, into believing that you are exercising and then replace any calories that you might have accidentally burnt with a sinfully refreshing and awfully fattening bottle of coke. Should have known that Arati would be a spoilsport. She was determined to loose weight. This determination took the shape of JOGGING!

Personally I don't mind jogging if its done around 11 pm on the veranda just above your brother's bedroom. The consequences of this are always gratifying, albeit, usually painful, especially if the brother is in an irascible mood. But if jogging's done in the wee hours of the morning, it's downright masochism. Arati patiently explained to me that 5:30 am is the healthiest time to jog: you aren't scorched by the sun, are saved from inhaling carbon monoxide, and get to hear the birds twittering. Also she read somewhere that jogging on an empty stomach helps you burn more fat. Pointed out that I love the sun, regardless of how blaring it is, the air contains fumes that are more toxic than carbon monoxide anyway and the only birds that I've seen around are pigeons, and they don't twitter. And I still do not see what fat she is talking about. Suggested that if she is that keen on self-torture, she might as well stop eating. Anorexics don't have any fat to shed. Half of them never regain their normal weight even after treatment. And not eating is more agonizing than jogging.

Arati chose to ignore my proposition, appeared at 5:00am at my house, packed me into what I later realized were her old sweatpants and my brother's ancient sneakers and dragged me out to jog. Apparently she was hoping that if I'm half asleep and my legs are moving, my mouth would remain closed. Wrong. Jogging didn't stop me from informing her that the reason why the dummies in shop windows were emaciated was because of mannequin-manufacturing companies minimizing production costs, and by aiming to look like them, she was actually helping clothes producing companies economize too: they try to use as little cloth as possible making clothes. It's because of people like her that the weight-loss industry, or whatever it is that they call themselves, is making a huge profit. Arati remained exasperatingly silent throughout my diatribe. Am not sure if that is because most of it made some sort of sense or because she was just too out of breath to answer.

Instead, my eyes were closed most of the time while jogging. Verbal diarrhea does not guarantee an alertness of other senses. Neither does tiredness, because Arati failed to warn me about the protruding branch that I crashed into. Suspect that it was more a feeling of vengeance than tiredness that made her keep quiet. Noticed a dubiously pleased look in her eyes when I collided. This look changed to concern when she noticed that I escaped with a minor scratch near the eye. My grazed cheek was indistinguishable on my flushed face, but smarted worse than the scratch.

The collision wasn't all bad though. Turned away from the branch into the most muscular mass of human flesh ever seen. Muscleman! How could Arati forget to mention anything about the possibility of meeting someone who'd scare Blind Date away? Muscleman politely apologized in a deep husky voice and trotted passed. Was left blushing and with a skipping heart. Tried to convince myself that this was the result of all that jogging, but took a good look at the surroundings and the time. Will be here again with Arati tomorrow. Same time same place.