Eve Teasing | Cover Story | wavemag.com.np

The dynamic attraction between male and female is most natural, be it in animals, insects or human. It is this innate behavior that has insured the continuation of life in this planet. With the beginning of the spring, animals and insects begin their chase of females. However, human beings are supposed to be more sophisticated and thoughtful in such pursuits: their intellect distinguishing them from the rest of the animals. The man-woman attraction has been romanticized a lot, suggesting that this chemistry between a man and a woman is triggered not only by testosterone and the change in weather but mostly by the beating of the hearts. Regretfully, the growing sexual harassment with the animal-like behaviour on the streets of Kathmandu and other cities of Nepal not only shatters this romanticism and faith but also scars many women with everyday verbal and even worse, physical abuse. Ask any girl of her experience on the streets, buses or a queue in any public place when she was alone and she will have stories full of horror and frustrations to tell you of eve teasing.

In a conservative society like ours where even in the twenty-first century not much encouragement is given to free and healthy interaction between boys and girls for exploring and understanding each other and enjoying the friendship, it is natural that after reaching puberty the curiosity between opposite sexes arises. However, the main difference between the curiosity of the boys and girls is that boys show it outright partly because of their immature boorishness and girls, though not free from the same natural curiosity, are better able to control their emotions and feelings. That boys attain maturity much later than girls is a bad excuse for any of such reckless and annoying behaviour, because that will have to mean that most men do not reach maturity till the end of time. Gender discrimination in our society encourages the so common "I am the man and so can do anything" attitude. Whereas when a woman complains of being harassed it is not uncommon for her to be scrutinized for some signs in her (whether it is her clothes or make-up, even the kind of the purse she carries will do) to blame her as what in her provoked such responses from men.

Latest Nepali and Hindi movies as well as the Hindi music videos on MTV aggravate such a serious social problem even more. Sadly, Nepalese have not identified eve teasing as a problem yet. A guy teasing a girl in the middle of the street; singing and running behind her is the most popular scenario for any romantic number. And the song usually ends with the girl's arms around the boy's neck. Now, that is the most commonly accepted ignorant, impractical and unreal cliche I have ever witnessed. How many of you guys who have been eve teasing have ended up with two loving arms around you in the middle of the street for your chase and stupid comments? And how many of you girls have been tempted to put your arms around the guy who eve-teases you? Seeing how boys are so driven to follow the filmy ideas, my natural expectation was that when boys saw their sisters and girlfriends teased, they'd tear out their T-shirts like Sanjay Dutt in Sadak and beat the hell out of those guys to protect the integrity of the ladies of their lives. Ironically, most of the guys when asked what they'd do if they were ever caught up in a situation like that where their girl/sis was being teased said, "That means my babe/sis is pretty, that's cool with me", or "If I'm alone I'd just ignore and walk on and maybe later get my gang of friends and beat them up", but mostly it was, "Ignore".

Trying to live movies through eve-teasing girls only shows ignorance and foolishness and singing Kya bolti tu to a girl while following her all the way home, does NOT make any guy Amir Khan.

Bhushree Pradhan's letter to the editor of The Rising Nepal on the issue of eve teasing has found a special place in the newspaper's website, hence raising concern and awareness on the alarming growth of eve-teasing on the streets on Kathmandu. I couldn't agree more with Bhushree when she said, "What do boys or males in our society want us to wear? Veils? Any attire that we go out in invites some comment or the other. If they don't find anything comment-worthy in our drab jeans or dull kurtas, they focus on our sunglasses, bags or even umbrellas. Do they suffer from some kind of unidentified syndrome? Authorities should put a stop to this eve-teasing business indulged in by males—age no bar."

Eve-teasing is a choice men make and there is no excuse for such a behaviour, not even the most argued reason of the boys, that "eve-teasing is a part of growing up, a part of entering manhood". If men feel the need to harass women on the street to feel like a man then that is no reason to feel like a man. Be it a group of guys sitting outside a shop, boys in their bus-stops, rickshaw drivers or any guy just passing time on the streets, the greedy, uncontrolled eyeing on the delicate parts of a woman's body and the nasty comments on the account of their looks is something that no woman should have to put up with. Why can't guys hold their tongue before calling out "chwank!", "nice butt!", "bhagwanle phursat ma banayeko rahecha", "syausi!", or simply making the clicking sound with the tongue when a girl passes by? It almost seems as though a mechanism has been set- a guy sees a girl down the street and he's been programmed either to pass a comment or start singing.

Talking to some guys and girls on this issue was highly illuminating. It was interesting to find how the opinion of guys and girls differed so much though on the same issue. At the end of the discussion I was convinced that whoever started the saying, "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus" must have had some really good reasons. For Sajaya, 2000 SLC batch, chasing girls and commenting on them was simply, "side hanne", something he does in pursuit of pleasing girls and to get their attention. For Subash, 2000 SLC batch, it was "ryag hannu" and for Sandeep, 95 SLC batch, it simply was "the most natural thing". However Julie, Meeta and Sona (all 2000 SLC batch) said that eve-teasing is a habit boys feel compelled to adopt just to prove their cheapness, insensitivity and stupidity.

For guys eve-teasing is more of a culture of growing up that they indulge in when they are in eighth grade (14-15 years old) like for Sanjay and Subash whereas for Sandeep it started a year earlier but Mr.X (20ish, he didn't want his name mentioned) said it was not before he left school. For girls the age of being noticed and commented (which is a mild way of saying the beginning of sexual harassment) varied quite a bit. For Neelima, 2000 SLC batch, it started when she was only in the fifth grade whereas for Julie, Sona, Meeta it was in their eighth grade that they couldn't escape the unwanted attention on their dress-up, the way they walk, their glasses, almost everything.

On asking these young hunks what kinds of responses they get when they tease girls on the streets, most of them said, "NO RESPONSE". Sanjay was generous enough to go into details, "Some smile when I pass nice or funny comments, some even laugh. Then there are those who get pissed off and raise hands as if to hit. Glaring is one of the most popular responses, only few tease back which is fun but most of them simply ignore." Mr. Z (20 something guy, he too wants to remain anonymous) acknowledged that when a girl broke down into tears when he teased her, was one response he never expected and he felt really bad about it.

Now I was curious to know what boys expect to get out of teasing girls and most of the guys' honest answer was "It is for the heck of fun, there is no expectation of any sort attached to it." Sanjay said that he passes comments at girls to please them, for Subash it was to get attention from the opposite sex whereas for Manish (2000 SLC batch) it is just fun and it remains fun only when he gets to eve tease from a distance, like when he is on a bus or when he has a group of friends. "A close encounter might mean trouble if the girl reacts badly to it or if her boyfriend is near by." Like all the guys Sandeep too said that it was for fun and it is fun as long as the girl does not respond, for most of the time when the girl does respond it is not a good sign, it usually means she is very upset. By the way Sandeep was one of two guys among all the guys I talked to who said, "bato ma jiskaunda jiskaundai kati keti haru pattinchan", the other one was Subash, "bato ma jiskauda jiskaudain chinera, I've dated some girls."

When girls were asked how they respond to this daily issue in their lives, Julie said, "Ignore. That's the best tool I think girls have." Meeta and Sona said the same. Meeta said that she got used to it in time though she has quarreled a few times. "Guys comment on my spectacles a lot. Though it used to bother me earlier, I am used to it now and pay no attention to it", she says. Sona who gets commented a lot on the way she walks, says, "When boys say left/right/left to every step I take, I just keep on walking. It is the best way to end the harassment. Some boys walk up to me and try to speak and if I do not want to speak to them and keep on walking, ignoring it all, they start ragging me". Then there were girls who said that guys provoke them so much that it is impossible to ignore their stupid comments and they have to open their mouths to put the boys in their place. Neeta (2000 SLC batch) usually says, "Chya! Pakhe!", whereas Dicchya (2000 SLC batch) stays calm to even the most nerve-racking comment and says, "Thank you" and walks off. Neeta says that there have been times when she has picked up fights because the verbal abuse was too much to tolerate, but she says she has to be extremely careful as when to back off and when to stick with it. "Sadak chap khal ko keta bhaye tadhai basnu ramro, for there are guys who have absolutely no respect for women and you can never tell what they will do or say to insult you". She says the worst comment she has gotten till now that shook her all up was, "Mantri lai keti chahiyecha, timi janchau?"

"Kya sexy, amma ma ma!", "Halyo, halyo!", "Katro pharsi!" and it gets even worse. It is sad and distressing that eve-teasers get more and more creative every day and their comments more and more insulting and intolerable. Dicchya says that there have been times when she has felt like crying on the street because the teasing was too harsh and hurting to bear.

Looking back on my early teens, it was comments like those that encouraged me to take shelter in super-loose T-shirts and short chopped hair, hence adapting the tom boy ways since that seemed to be the way to hide the curves that seemed more impossible to hide with every passing year. So many girls walk in the street in wrong postures with their heads bowing down and their shoulders making an inward curve, all set to be as discreet as possible, hoping to escape the greedy eyes, nasty comments and the unwanted body contacts.

All the girls I talked to couldn't consent more that guys eve-teasing only show their cheapness, insensitivity and ignorance and that there's absolutely nothing attractive about eve-teasers. Boys who could have been attractive and normally they'd have talked to become such turn-offs once they start eve-teasing. The most ignorant of all the comments I have heard of is, "Kya dami rectum, yar!" Now how the hell can any guy see the rectum of someone walking down the street except with some special visual assistance! The best answer to it would have been "Chhee you must have amazing eyesight with some special visual access!"

Such incidents can be witnessed everyday on the street and sadly nothing is being done to prevent the Nepalese society from running downhill. There are uncountable examples of guys bumping into girls and brushing against the curves while walking down crowded footpaths. Many of these times it is painful when men purposely dash against you because physically men are much stronger than women and it is very upsetting when men smile proudly when girls say, "Aiya!" in pain. Then there are taxi-drivers, tempo drivers, cyclists, rickshawallahs and motor-bikers who drive extremely close as if to crush the toes or knock the girl down completely when seeing pretty girls walking down a narrow street. Holi is like the officially consented eve teasing period. Suneeta recalls how about four years ago when she was driving the steep uphill of Samakushi, some guys threw water balloon aiming at the glass of her helmet which made her lose balance, causing her moped to roll downhill backward, hitting a car. Luckily, the car driver was watchful and Suneeta escaped what could have been a disastrous accident. When eve teasing takes the form of such brutal acts and becomes physically injuring and life threatening, it is neither funny nor tolerable.

If no action is taken soon and no effort is made to stop eve-teasing, it will not be long before the situation on the streets on Nepal will worsen like in India (Tamil Nadu) where a couple of years back a 20-year-old girl became a victim of the animal-like behavior of an eve teaser, which lead to her ghastly death. Another young woman became an easy prey of eve teasers, when Durga refused to tell her name to strangers in an autorickshaw. They ran the autorickshaw over her and later Durga died in the Government General Hospital. A school girl returning from school in Madhya Pradesh was dragged to death by eve teasers.

Keeping in mind all the potential threats a woman could face, the government of Nepal has made some laws under the "Muluki ain." It says that if any person makes indecent and improper comments in the public area to disrupt peace, then s/he will be punished. If any man makes an indecently cruel comment or does something threatening or harming the honour of a woman, physically or emotionally, then he becomes liable be fined upto ten thousand rupees, imprisoned for upto two years plus he has to compensate for any damage made. If a man touches any girl above eleven years of age or a woman anywhere, from head to toe, in an undesirable and offensive way then he becomes liable to a fine of upto five hundred rupees or jailed for a year's imprisonment or both. It is a shame that even with all these laws made the situation of sexual harassment worsens by the day.

For some guys eve teasing is being cool among the circle of friends like Manish explains, "if you come up with a new, cool word or a style to tease girls then everyone follows you and it is just a piece of cake to boost any guy's ego. There is always a competition between guys to come up with new words and new ways. But if you are always quiet in your circle and if you do not react to any girl no matter how beautiful she is, then there is a risk of you being labeled as 'sojhe', worse 'chhakka'. So, you do what a guy's gotta do."

Whatever the issue it is with guys, they should handle it on their own. Eve teasing only increases the gap between the understanding of girls and boys. If guys think that this is the way to get to girls then they are definitely going the wrong way. And if men need to harass women to have fun and feel manly, then it is time for guys to reconsider what kind of manhood and shallow and sad fun they are so excited about.