The Flipside

by RANJEEV SHRESTHA

FROM ISSUE # 64 (April 2001) | IN THIS ISSUE
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"This is not just an ordinary coin! See it has a star on it. Only few coins are minted with stars on them and whoever possesses these coins would be given a special prize by the government on their return - a watch… you keep this coin as my remembrance and a token of love!"

I gawked at the coin. Unable to fathom the subtle erosion of principles and attitudes, I resorted to my main mantra in life, I gaped…like an ape.

It seemed an ordinary one-rupee coin, but indeed, there was a small star etched on it. I would have never noticed it, had she not drawn my attention, temporarily intoxicated with thoughts more surreal, to the star. Then again, I looked at her - those beautiful rapturous eyes, full of that whimsical innocence that compelled me to challenge rationality and put faith in the power of love. I looked back at the coin and realised that the coin was not ordinary at all. It had far greater value than any imprint on its face could ever ascribe. Truth, the ephemeral purpose of existence, seemed at that moment to have focused on that coin and its meaning. Far away, a voice in my mind pondered at how love could change one's perspective, how it can imbue worth to even meaningless triviality. I brushed the voice aside. Can the morality of logic ever enchant as the fragrance of love? From that moment onwards, the coin became my prized possession; and with it in hand, the magic talisman, I felt at the top of the world, dauntless, chivalrous, bold yet compassionate, eternally grateful to have it in my custody. Entranced by the magic of love, my outlook narrowed to the long alley of a mushy wonderland. Always a little voice, ever so faint, questioned my wisdom, but I knew that I had achieved some higher rewards deep inside. So, I went on ignoring carelessly. Love could make diamonds out of dimes.

I never used the coin. I kept it against my heart…in her remembrance. I held on to the token of love she gave for many soothingly tormented years. The coin was light compared to the heavier load of love I carried. I held on in the hope of the priceless promises of love, her cent-percent innocence, and of course, her truthful lies. Perhaps, I carried more than I ought. I forgot the cost of excess baggage. I forgot that either one must pay a heavy price or part with heavy belongings and practise 'light travel'. But the flaw in human nature is that one gets entwined and cannot leave behind to move coolly on, though one may wish to…so much!!
"Ticket!! Please??"
"Chhutta dijiye?? (Give me change)!!
"Change? Why is change so vital, and yet so undesirable, I thought!! I fumbled in my pockets and extracted a few coins but replaced the special one. Though the star coin always ached to be spent, somehow, I did not allow it to leave my possession. And I kept on walking along those swamps of illusions, travelling along the vacuum of silence, with its solace with me. The star…and here, I had my ticket, to travel to that destination, where I would meet Destiny.

At first, Andheri sounded to me like a dark dungeon, which I later discovered to be not quite different…
I mounted a crowded compartment, where sweat mingled from shirts of adjacent bodies until one could not separate the odour of one from the other. tum - to - thehere - par - deshi - saath - kya - nibha - oge!!" crooned a voice. Pain melodiously presented - pinprick for the ears with well-timed but discreet tapping of stones. And time stood still.
Station after station hurtled by. Flocks of people pummelled their way into the compartment and out again in the few stolen seconds that the train paused at each platform - what perfect timing! Those who could not fight the tide missed the chance of boarding. No one waited. No one cared at all and I seemed to stand there, in a crowd yet more alone than ever before, hurtling to a providence store.

Up above me, the walls were adorned with gay posters proclaiming solutions for the masses - from piles to broken hearts, unsuccessful relationships, black magic, job problems, failures, abortion - solution for anything; but with each poster followed a sense of futility. What morality, what principles had brought me here, in the train, to travel in such discomfort, and to what fate? Where was I headed? I pitied myself, reduced to seeking answers on the illegal bills on crowded train walls.

I was on a quest, I knew. And though my love waited at the other end, the quest would go on, for sure. Every coin has just two sides - one or another is inevitable.

And on the other side, I met her again - not changed at all. The candour, the innocence, the beauty that I so admired, but not quite the same as I understood them to be. I thought, with a sigh, 'nothing can change her!'

We talked, and I listened, but did not hear, as the words rolled by.

She suggested that I should be cool and practical, like her. She wanted me to recognise reality. She wanted me to be natural. She explained how everyone needs the space, that one should change one's viewpoints accordingly and move on with time.

Time?!! Suddenly, she remembered something.

"Oh, God!! I have to make a call, I completely forgot!" she fumbled in her pocket and then turned to me. The same look - innocent, rapturous, appealing and vulnerable.
"Do you have a one rupee coin? I need to make a call."

I took out my wallet and, from the special flap inside, I took out the coin. She grabbed it and ran hurriedly towards the telephone. Suddenly, unconsciously, unwillingly, I remarked, "hey, it has a star on it!!"

She stopped and asked with the same innocence, "a what?"

I just smiled and said softly, "no nothing!"

In my mind, the coin starts to jig and talk, "hey man! I am what I was - static, dead, cold and bland. I never changed. I am as I always was. I was so suffocated inside your special place for so long. Everything must move, you just die of boredom when you hang on to something for a while. Finally I am released, I shall be! Yee hoo!!"

She comes back to me and says, "um, that coin is redundant. It doesn't work any longer. Do you have a new one?"