Nepalese girls and the concept of virginity | Feature

The importance of sex in life cannot be over emphasized. Sex is a desire, that human beings, or rather any living being on this earth, requires. It is a natural phenomenon. Since it is a natural urge, no artificial restrictions or taboos or any moral means can control it. Whether one is married or not is not its concern. The main concern is whether one is physically or mentally prepared for it. Only when one is ready from these aspects, does one attempt to indulge in it. If this goal is easily achievable, no problem, but if not, the real struggle begins between this natural urge and the artificial barriers.
Notwithstanding any artificial barriers are too feeble to check the natural urge, yet they can create a considerable tension in our society. It's a society that is orthodox and hypocritical, and so it tries to restrict or create unnecessary blockades. The society does not entertain even the slightest symptoms of a relation between a boy and a girl, before marriage. Pre-marital sex is the most unforgivable sin. And therefore the liberal idea about premarital sex is scorned, condemned and seen as a destructive evil, liable to bring complete disorder in a society leading towards decay. This sort of false propaganda against an individual's freedom for sexual behavior, as the root cause for social evils, has made our minds sexually obsessed.

Our society is basically male dominated. Therefore, while forming every moral principle, it has treated females with complete partiality and injustice; as if they are not fellow humans but an inferior race. And on the topic of sex, they have been suppressed and exploited by the rotten beliefs of our so-called moralists. The suppression and exploitation of women on grounds of sexual behavior has been extreme. To create a balance, western women sought sexual freedom and independence. As a result, a highly gender-balanced society emerged in the west where men and women realized their full potential in interdependent relations. Here the scenario is different. Women are confined, contracted and squeezed. A man having infinite affairs is honored a stud but a women doing the same is dubbed a whore. Women just indulging in sexual fantasies are also repulsed and are obliged to bear the mockeries of man. So women are treated like prisoners while men are free birds.

The concept of virginity is the biggest conspiracy hatched by our society to restrict a woman's freedom. Traditionally, it is thought that virginity is the most prized possession of womanhood, and so it must be pure, chaste and unbroken, till matrimony, when only the groom of the woman is privileged to be presented with it. However, "virginity is nothing more than a concept brought forth by males to assert their superiority against females. It is the way of dominating or suppressing females, mentally, by enforcing an undeclared law. It is obviously so because there is no counter-concept or law for males. They can contaminate their chastity by poking into hundreds of filthy gutters and yet bossily demand for untouched virginity from their brides", says Puspa Thapa, an unmarried lass of 24, studying MBA in Shankar Dev Campus.

Unfortunately, most of the women in our society having a so called 'good girl attitude' differs in opinion and advocates the same traditional belief. They overrate it as being the only precious thing they ever had. They think that if they lose their virginity before marriage, the very dignity and glory of womanhood falls to the dust and they are transfigured into an abominable pile of rubbish. However, one must not misunderstand that it is their idea. They are tradition-laden, never skeptical. So they repeat what others say, society preaches and males teach without analyzing it from their own point of view.

Evaluating the female society of the Victorian age, which in many ways was the replica of our present one, Marry Woolstonecraft, a famed feminist, comments, 'looking at the present condition and thinking level of a woman in society, it does not seem that they are mentally healthy.' In the same way, we can say of our female society that it is mentally obsessed.
"If a virgin girl desires to have sex with a person she loves or feels deeply for, it is her desire. So the right to make a decision whether to fulfill the desire or not also is hers. Advice, ofcourse, can be offered if asked, but she must be independent to decide, thinking of the consequences of her own decision. There is no need for her to be guided or restricted by social codes of conduct because it is absolutely private and an individual right of hers. Whereas if she has to be bound under the unnecessary rules to even use such a right, it is nothing more than an insult, and I don't think one has to observe those rules that insults oneself", boldly says Sharmila Gurung (not her real name), challenging the conventional ideology, an emerging Nepali soap opera actress.

However the instances of such awareness is still rare in our female society. Because of this unawareness, they also lack a certain self-decision. So before using every right of their own, they look towards the males just to know their reactions. And if they find that men disagree with their action, they immediately drop the idea. Their inability to make a self-decision might come from the fact that they've always found themselves only as the daughters, sisters or wives of the male society, and never recognized themselves as independent women. They never allowed themselves to express their desire and taste. They never dared to choose their own lifestyle.

However, either because of a growing consciousness of feminism or because of the rapid development of all forms of media, the rebellious voices against the conventional ideology, regarding sex, are erupting in our societies, even from the female side. Many of them are presenting themselves as non-conformists, very individual, freethinking and forward with a style of their own. Representing the new voice that is gradually becoming audible, Kumari Lama, a school teacher of 22, opines, "Gone are those days when every groom would get his bride with untouched virginity. Of course I would be pleased to keep my virginity safe if my would-be husband could really value it. But I know he won't because men are never grateful. So, I don't want to sacrifice and later be evaluated so cheaply and rudely."

The overall scenario is not hopeless anymore. If only the existing consciousness of females multiply, so that the vast number of ignorant and helpless women can come up to their level of awareness.

Sex is not a sin. Sex is the subtlest and the most sublime gift of nature. It enlivens the relationship and brings the partners nearer to each other. If we do not degrade sex as a means of earning money or getting some advantage out of it, safe and healthy sex can never be bad - be it pre-marital or marital. If we are honest with ourselves, something new will come up to cope with the situation.