WHERE DO I BELONG

by SHWETA MALLA

FROM ISSUE # 69 (September 2001) | IN THIS ISSUE
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Tied between family and love,
I stand wondering.
Which one should I choose?
Should I
Choose the love of my childhood years,
All the years I fondled in their lap.
Or shall I
Choose my life, my love
The life I often dreamt of,
the love I always wanted,
The love long awaited
The freedom I often longed for.
To caress the feeling of love and care within.
To feel the beautiful world within
Where the sun never ceases to shine
And flowers blooming around me
With the love of my life beside me -
All so placid and deep tranquility of peace.
A sudden tempest arises,
Devastating and clutches of iron
Grips me everywhere
Making me realize
Tis just a beautiful dream
My lost pride;
The love at stake;
- forever buried now.
My heaven seems barren
all shattered and changed
I wail with anxiety - inaudible to others
Stressed grief - which no one seems to see.
Remorse tearing me apart
My delibility exposed
Dreams ruthlessly flaunted
Making my flesh a burden for me
Then unleashing to myself
In this inhabited land
Being the master of all I survey -
I feel torn and in rags.
I feel I belong to a different world
So far away - where I live
And its only me
The darkness spread wildly
Partly debris of my enchanted memories
Deceasing within me
Gradually I cease to bear it all.
I still wonder,
Tired and lonesome,
With my emotions torn apart,
My memories linger
And a shadow from the dark often whispers
loud and clear
that repeatedly sez'
You belong here and always will
Though blood seems to flow
My flesh seems cold
The heart will beat
With this soul within
Dying everyday - every minute
Alone and pale
I find myself saying
I belong here
This is where I belong.